In this year of 2018, what things will change? What things will stay the same? I’m kind of over New Year’s resolutions, but I am all for having hopes and dreams for the year ahead and setting goals and ways to accomplish them.

So, here’s to living life to the fullest and starting out by writing more. This is usually the part where I say on the blog what direction the blog posts will go this year. And honestly, I don’t have the answer to that yet. I know I’d love to be a bit more academic with some of the posts, a bit more pastoral (because seminary), a bit less focused on trauma, a bit more focused on healing.

I’d definitely love to be more involved in activism this year and not just from the Twitter sidelines. I think activism is especially important coming from those of us who are leaving the church and/or leaving fundamentalism. I’d love to write more poems, short stories, etc. The brainstorming for the blog for 2018 hasn’t happened yet, but I’ll keep everyone posted.

For now, I present to you some poetic ramblings in processing PTSD over the holidays:

inhale:

breathing, blocking you out

exhale:

screaming, trying to shout

inhale:

crying, choking on tears

exhale:

running, chasing my fears

inhale:

panicking, dreaming of you

exhale:

waking, hiding from truth

will this year be the year I don’t breathe in memories?

from my father, my church, my ex-boyfriend, my mother

sometimes I see things that aren’t there

sometimes I just see the past in the present

is this what it means to be aware?

or is this just what happens every time I breathe

coming up for air

inhale (exhale) inhale (exhale)

maybe this is just breathing

maybe just breathe

just

breathe