“Well, you almost had me fooled
Told me that I was nothing without you
Oh, but after everything you’ve done
I can thank you for how strong I have become…” ~ Kesha, Praying
The following is a mostly satirical response to a letter my sister sent me in the mail. Yes, that’s right, folks. You get a bonus post this week because my sister is an asshole. My response is as they say, with zero chill:
My dear sister,
It has come to my attention that you haven’t changed at all and choose to believe everything our parents and church taught us without thinking for yourself or understanding how compassion works. I was deeply hurt to hear that you were deeply hurt. So much so that I laughed for a full five minutes after reading this letter.
YES! It is so true that I have as you state “struggle with sin.” Except my definition of sin is a little different. My definition of sin is causing someone else or myself harm in any way. For instance, when I don’t acknowledge my internalized racism or homophobia. Or say something that wounds someone else. OR when I ignore injustice right in front of me or give in to self-hatred because of what others think of my “lifestyle” and giving into oh, how did you put it? Ah yes, “temptation.” Big scary word for bullshit that our church and pastor made up so that we’d be afraid of literally everything including loving another person wholeheartedly.
I am very sorry and hurt to see the direction YOU have taken. I could preach at you, but I think you have no idea what the Bible says about that. Something about loving our neighbors as ourselves and speaking the truth of love. I’m sure you’re familiar but seem to have forgotten how the love part of that works. I do want YOU to know that I understand that people can be tempted and struggle in this area of sin (the sin being hatred of others simply because of a part of who they are; gosh I’m so gay, even my shoes are gay. SUE ME FOR LOVING SOMEONE). ANYWAY…continuing on…
Whether YOU believe this or not, dear sister, God is not a misogynistic megalomaniac waiting up in heaven to cause suffering to us just so our faith can be stronger. Or do you really think our dad molesting me as a kid for several years was for my own good? Or the sexual assault in college? Was that all for me to love God better? Seriously? Respectfully, fuck you. Oh oops. I swore–I’m so sorry if I offended you by using accurate language for this nonsense you sent me. Also, sorry about the stains on the letter–I spilled something on it because you’re an asshole. A well-meaning asshole–but a brainwashed asshole nonetheless.
I’m not blaming God. I’m putting the blame where it belongs–with people who seek to control my life and cause harm just to have others not question them. Those who seek the end of the world as they know it for an Armageddon where everyone who disagrees with them is destroyed! Where they can have all the political power and continue to be racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic bastards for the sake of the “gospel.” Indeed, it is our sin and rebellion that brought evil into this world. And you are perpetuating it.
Misery! Oh…yes, that. I am not miserable or consumed with grief and sin, I promise! As a matter of fact, I’ve met the love of my life and she’s twice the person you’ll ever be if you stay on the path you’re on.
I love you and I’m writing this in love. This path of sin you’re on surely will lead you to continue being afraid of the outside world and never growing as a person who has compassion and kindness for others. I’ll never stop praying for you either. Looks like you need it. I can’t go where you’ve gone in writing me this letter because clearly, your goal was to guilt a response out of me for change. Change into where I once was–lost and brainwashed like you. I pray that you will one day realize the error of your ways. If you’re ever ready to see that God isn’t a God of hatred and bigotry, I’ll be there to help and to forgive.
Love your sister,