(Note: Accidentally saved this not on the main blog page…)

I am writing today because recently I have had to ask many hard questions about my life and faith in God.

As a sexual abuse victim, I have had to ask: “Was it my fault?” and “Why didn’t God stop this from happening?”

As a gay person who is also a Christian, I have had to ask: “Why am I like this? and “Does God really love me?”

As someone who deals with chronic pain, I ask: “Why is this happening to me?” and “How can there be this much pain?”

One thing I’ve learned through all the questions is that things are allowed to be hard. So, let them be hard. It does not do anyone any good to pretend otherwise. This life is difficult, and sometimes there are no easy answers to the questions we ask. Sometimes, we may never know the answer.

We spend so much time–especially Americans–trying to “be strong” because we think we’re not allowed to fall apart or ask for help from others when we’re struggling. Maybe that’s just me, but often I am so stubborn.

When you’re drowning in what this life has given you, grab the rope a friend throws out to you. Let people help carry your heavy loads. Don’t be stubborn like me–this is very much a work in progress in my life.

Also, learning to let God help is difficult. Believe it or not, I’ve seen that God does care. I don’t get how my suffering is a good thing, but somehow God carries me through. I’ve seen that good can come of it. I can honestly say that God has “ruined” my life in the best way possible. My faith has fallen apart too many times to count, but somehow the pieces always go back together. I follow Jesus and love him so much. I wouldn’t be able to show compassion or care without his example of loving everyone he came in contact with.

In conclusion, don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions. Feel free to fall apart. There are friends and a God that love you no matter what.

**Just an aside to the post I want to get out:

I have written a lot of things in anger. I have written when I’m at a point of breaking and having been pushed too far in silence. I am sorry if that has ever offended my audience. I always want to write from a place of love even when I’m in disagreement over certain issues.